IF REAL BEAT DORTMUND AND REACH WEMBLEY THEY CAN SLEEP WITH MY GIRLFRIEND: BALOTELLI

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Mario Balotelli might get a frosty reception from girlfriend Fanny Neguesha after he reportedly made a bizarre comment about the Belgian model ahead of Real Madrid’s Champions League clash with Borussia Dortmund.

The former Manchester City striker is apparently so confident Dortmund will qualify for the Champions League final, he is claimed to have said that he would allow the Spanish side’s squad to sleep with his girlfriend if they managed to upset the odds and reach Wembley.

In Spanish newspapers AS and Marca, the Italy forward was quoted as saying: ‘If Real Madrid come back in Champions League, I’ll let my girlfriend sleep with them!

ECH

WHAT IS WRONG WITH NICKI MINAJ

12 WAYS TO KNOW YOU ARE SLEEPING WITH A MERMAID (MAMI WATER)

1.you pick her up from the street or some other random place, maybe she was even standing in front of an uncompleted building.

2.You don’t know her surname. she told you her name is just “julie”

3.She agrees to sleep with you on the very first day,infact move into your house. No question ask

4.She never gets tires, she pound yam, ground pepper   with stone  and still have sex with you when she finishes

5.She always look perfect  even first thing in the morning, no pimples, her make up look permanent and everything is always right in its place

6.Her Brazilian hair looks natural. It really look like her hair but maybe saloon has found a way to remove Brazilian hair and  put it back later

7.She doesn’t talk about her family, she doesn’t have friends .you only hear her saying my sea sisters sometimes even at night but u are not bothered cos girls sometimes call themselves all sort of names

8.Ever u started sleeping with her, your life has turn upside down, and your step mother in the village is to be blame for your misfortune

9.She has stop you from eating fish, u only eat chicken and meat and nothing from the sea

10.She doesn’t ask you for anything, infact she is every boyfriends dream. You don’t pay for her human hair or BIS.. she doesn’t even want blackberry z10.she doesn’t care about valentine day and you don’t know her birthday. She doesn’t get jealous when u are with other girls and she doesn’t bother herself about what your do on face book, but any girl that try get close to you will fall sick or disappear mysteriously..

11.When she break up with u, she acts like you guys have never met. She doesn’t ever remember knowing you..

12.She hates prayer and place of worship especially places where the presence of god is felt

BEST TIME OF THE DAY TO HAVE SEX:

Sure, sex is great pretty much anytime. But what’s the best time of day to do it? I did some research, got some statistics, and came up with an hour-by-hour guide to the best times. *Please consult your doctor before beginning any sexual program based on this guide. **Your doctor will probably think it’s fine.

6:00-8:00 am

Women are awake but not ready for sex, due to high melatonin levels and low body temperature. Men, on the other hand, reach their peak of sexual excitement during these hours. Conclusion: Great for men, not ideal for women.

8:00-10:00 am

By now, women are fully awake and ready for sex. During these hours, women reach their peak levels of endorphins, and are easily excitable. Men’s testosterone levels, which were at their peak in the early morning, are now back to normal. Conclusion: Women are ready, but men…well, who are we kidding, men can probably be convinced.

12:00 pm-2:00 pm

Women are at their busiest during these early afternoon hours–not getting busy, mind you, but actually busy with work, errands, and life. Also, lunch. Men, however, are more amenable to the idea of an early afternoon frolic. Conclusion: Women can’t really be bothered right now, usually. Men can definitely be bothered, but also distracted/satisfied by lunch.

2:00-4:00 pm

A woman’s reproductive system is at its best during these hours. Semen produced around 4 pm is of the best quality. Conclusion: Maybe try to avoid having sex in the mid afternoon, unless you want a baby, in which case, enjoy it!

4:00-8:00 pm

Both men and women could probably take it or leave it in the earlier hours, and in the later hours probably leave it. It’s dinner time, after all. Conclusion: Sexual appetite is conquered by actual appetite.

8:00-10:00 pm

Women are totally energized and ready to initiate sex at this time. Men try to act all casual and are like “yeah, sure, ok, we could do that.” Conclusion: Men and women are on the same page here: this is the best time of day to have sex.

10:00-12:00am

Women’s melatonin levels go way up during this time, even if they usually stay up late. They’ll be susceptible to romantic feelings, but not so energetic. Men also may want to engage in relaxing (read: not frenetic or exciting) sex at this time, too. Fact: This is the best time of day to have sex if you suffer from Restless Leg Syndrome. It’s true,

IMPOSSIBILITY IS NOTHING

Juju Man Caught Trying To Pack The Remains Of Accident Victims

On Thursday a ghastly motor accident occurred along Owerri, Port Harcourt express road after the Army Barracks in Obinze, just a few meters after the entrance of Arab Contractors Nig Ltd, involving a petrol tanker and a bus carrying full load of passengers.
Three passengers died on the spot including the driver, two died later at the hospital. As if that was not enough, on Friday a Sienna coming from Owerri and heading to Imo state Polytechnic Ohaji somersaulted severally on the same spot. The car was seriously damaged but thankfully the three occupants came out alive with praises to God.
Today Tuesday, a man was caught on that same spot with charms doing what was best known to him in a language most people didn’t understand. He was promptly surrounded by the youths of Ohaji. The man was taken to the Eze who handed him over to the police.
Before this, the man who could only speaks hausa language mentioned that he had links in the community and named a man well known to the youths. The youths swung into action and went in search of the man and found him hiding in the ceiling of his house.

They beat him up, but as soon as he had a little chance, he escaped into a nearby bushes. The hausa speaking juju man also mentioned that he had customers that visited him at night, dressed in suits and were carrying a briefcase.